8 Overwhelmingly Easy Steps To Create Untenably Trendsetting Blogs

September 15th, 2009

When you want to catch a slice of the ever-shrinking attention span of web surfers, when you compete against hundreds of similar sites but don’t really have anything new to say, when you want to see your web server crashing under the load of visitor from social link aggregators, all you need to do is to create a list post.

But wait – everybody else is already doing it! What can you do? Just follow these 8 easy steps to unlock the secret doors that will bring forward a rush of AdWord-click-hungry visitors right to your blog:

  • Step 1 – pick a subject. For example – adding image galleries to blogs
  • Step 2 – pick a reasonable number of different techniques to address the subject from step 1. In most cases it will be 5 or less.
  • Step 3 – multiply it by 7 and round up to the closest multiple of 5. Now you have a nice round number to put in the title.
  • Step 4 – create marginally indistinguishable versions of the original techniques from step 2 to make the list of techniques that add up to the number from step 3. Invent new terminology if necessary.
  • Step 5 – combine the number from step 4 with the subject from step 1. For example – 45 techniques to add image galleries to your blog.
  • Step 6 – pick the most unsettlingly inappropriate superlative from the list below and stick it right after the number. For example – 45 overwhelming techniques to add image galleries to your blog.
  • Step 7 – invent an imaginary benefit that will convince your readers to spend the next 20 seconds on skimming the list. The benefit doesn’t have to be real, since they won’t spend time on objectively assessing it. For example – 45 overwhelming techniques to add image galleries to your blog and blow your competition out of the water.
  • Step 8 – make sure that the title is under 100 characters. If it’s too long, nobody will be able to retweet it. You do want to be on Twitter, right?

A handy list of superlatives:

  • Overwhelming
  • Mindboggling
  • Amazing
  • Otherworldly
  • Overpowering
  • Astounding
  • Breathtaking
  • Staggering
  • Stunning
  • Bewildering
  • Awe-inspiring
  • Hair-raising
  • Heart-stopping
  • Spine-shivering
  • Magnificent
  • Thrilling
  • Inconceivable
  • Phenomenal
  • Unimaginable
  • Unfathomable
  • Stupendous
  • Unprecedented
  • Unbelievable

You’re welcome. And oh, I’m on Twitter too, and I’m eagerly looking forward to being followed by 10,000 people who will unfollow me after three days if I don’t follow them back.